On the Contrary

For those who could not be there:

On a beautiful day along the banks of the American River in Lotus, California I would guess 400 or more people gathered to celebrate the life of Brooke Colvin.  It was a fitting location as she loved the river, the outdoors, and the people she met and worked with there.  It is just impossible to imagine someone so full of life to be gone from it.

Brooke’s mom and dad spoke of her.  Her bothers spoke of her. Thad’s parents spoke of her.  Her friends opened their hearts to us on what she had meant to them.  And of course, Thad spoke of her.  What came through was that she was a gift to all of them.  She had a love for life and a compassion for everyone who came into it.  She had a heart big enough for everyone.  Instead of feeling angry for her short life, they were thankful for what a wonderful gift her life had been for them.  She always brought brightness into the room, and it was her gift to us to carry on with her zest for life.  And everyone remembered her beautiful and infectious smile.

Then the community closed ranks around the grieving family.  There was an outpouring of love and support that will be there to help them deal with their and our grieving.  On a beautiful winter day, the river flowed slowly by, the sun shown brightly, and friends and family celebrated a beautiful life.

But the words of Thad haunt me.  He said that about two or three days after the accident he was sleeping in a room with his father when Brooke’s phone rang. He just wanted to stop its incessant ringing so he fumbled with the unfamiliar phone to turn it off.  When he finally managed to find the power button, as it powered off it displayed a smiley face and then the words, “Goodbye”.   How very Brooke.  Goodbye Brooke.  We will carry on.

RELATED BOLGS:  Tragedy, Tragedy Update

I have had quite a few hits on our tragic loss of Brooke Colvin.  Although I have put this in the comments, those that want to attend her celebration of life or send a card or note, here is the information:

The official Celebration of Life will be in Placerville, CA on Thursday, January 29th at 12 noon at Camp Lotus (5461 Bassi Rd Lotus, CA 95651).

We are asking that anyone who wishes to give a donation in Brooke’s memory send it to her unit at Providence hopital. Please send/make checks payable to:

Providence Portland Medical Center
Attn: Chris Taylor
4805 NE Glisan Street
Portland, OR 97213

Your donation will go towards the “Brooke My Love” fund to help support the unequalled care the “5G” nurses deliver to their patients. ( email from Jed & Sara Colvin)

For contacting both for Thad and the Colvins at least for the near term use this address (Brooke’s parents):

Dennis and Robby Colvin
2854 Bennett Circle
Placerville, CA 95667

This will be a hard blog for me to write.  It drags up emotions I don’t want to confront, the loss of one of your children.  Friends of ours are facing that reality this morning when their daughter, Brooke Colvin, was killed Wednesday in a freak accident on Mount Hood (Clakamas County News).  I did not know Brooke well, but I know a kind, gentle, beautiful soul when I see one, and she was so full of life and its possibilities.  The ending of her life is a loss of profound depth to her husband, her family and all those that loved her.

Now the question is what can I do to help those that really can’t be helped.  If I learned anything from the loss of my own daughter, there are no words.  Some try to make sense out of this loss.  I won’t go there.  If someone in their own grief can find some solace wherever they can, then please give them that relief. I know what it is like to wake up in the morning and have that emptiness in your heart and know your world has changed forever.   It is just hard to accept that some times bad things happen to good people.

I remember some of the things people said to try to console me, and I know it came from the kindness of their hearts, but I wished they would have just changed the subject.  I never knew what to say back.  I guess it was just nice that they cared.  But then maybe other people aren’t like me.  Maybe all the activity generated by caring friends was the distraction one needs not to be swallowed up by our own grief.

There are many things that cross my mind that one might say or do to help.  She definitely lived her life to the fullest.  She was loved by everyone who knew her.  She brightened the lives of many, many people.  Her life made a difference.  She truly was a beautiful person.  Yet in the end, there is just that emptiness that just won’t go away.  I guess I could tell them that it does get better after awhile, tolerable anyway.  But then I know none of that makes any difference right now.  Maybe the only thing I can offer is that we have the family in our thoughts and we will be there to help to do whatever we can do.  But I know deep in my heart, nothing helps.  It is just going to take a long, long time.  And then I am always conflicted by whether what I am doing is to help them or me.  I guess we all just do what we can and hope it helps.

So long Brooke.  You made such a huge impact on so many lives.  Dennis, Robby, Thad, Jed, Sara, Matt, you are in our thoughts.  I am sorry.  It is all I know how to do.